Self Pacification …

Behind Any doubts,
All bewilderments even gathered as one.
From the time it all began,
To the time it all ends up here
I wait for the answers,
The answers of my very own existence.
With everything so mixed up
And mysteriously bonded together.
So different may it seem,
But sums up to be somehow the same.
Without doubt I believe,
Everything that happened was for a reason.
I may live restless all my life
Without knowing the answers,
But, I will surely wait for it to come to me.



As alive as you feel,
But hollow inside that you maybe.
You come to me like a riddle,
So obscure to elucidate.
Still so simple to describe,
I don’t know what binds us together
”The body or the Soul”.
But everything that has been
Is a big question mark to me,
so this just adds up and making it’s way
on to becoming the sum of all mysteries.
Like always,
I was amazed by how
My feelings didn’t seem to be mine.
I never even wanted to acknowledge those feelings.
Flying in a blue dream, trying my best
Not to show up on the outside world.
This is how you feel too,
I know it, you don’t have to explain.
I knew it all when we first met.


This had to be the time
when it all came down crashing on me
I never knew something like this
would come my way,
But I knew deep inside somewhere
in the back of my mind insane.
I don't expected anything from this life,
but it sure has a way
to play with me every time.
Every time it gave me hope
when I drop my expectations.
It makes me feel wanted
when every time I wanted to be alone.
Every time it made me feel strong
when I didn’t needed to be fragile .
To break away for someone or something
Every time it gave me hope,
when ever I stopped dreaming of a better day.



After giving me all of these feelings and emotions,
somehow it bribed me to dream of a better day.
Falling in life as we know.
I made myself expect and felt wanted.
It made me strong all the time,
and it made me dream
But this was not the end of it.
It made me fall after it gave me wings to fly .
After giving me all the hopes and expectation,
it made me flying in the amethyst dream .
And when I was sky high
it just burned the wings that I flew on .
Fallen is what it is now.
And I am still falling,
but this journey won’t end ,
it makes me think of it all the time.
Of how much more time till I hit the ground.



Tonight I contemplate
The destruction of at least one entire race.
The winds howl like disembodied spirits,
How unlike the soul I think I am.
But that is the question.
Isn't it? Who I am really.
The pain and misery of the loved ones
Have given me a reflection of an ancient horror.
Lost somewhere among these two feelings,
I worked outside the boundaries of my normal conscience.
Once Again I was struck
By how my feelings did not seem to belong to me.
Certainly I didn't even wanted to acknowledge those feelings.
The prospect of destruction brought me no pleasure.
The dreams that are only subconscious frustrations.
The nightmares that would never end.
I feel powerless to contain what is happening inside me,
And I wonder, if I am possessed.
I really think if I am Insane, or am I normal.
Normal doesn't exist. It’s just a term used by stiff people.
Just a minor thought, how odd?
Such a tiny mind could create such a harsh and tragic end.
But nothing so far that happened was logical.